What To Expect If Your Case Goes to Mediation

A calm, practical overview of how mediation works, and what it can and can’t do

When family and money collide, someone may suggest mediation.

You might hear:

• “Let’s try to settle this in mediation.”
• “The court is requiring mediation.”

If you’ve never been through it, the word alone can add stress.

This guide is meant to take the mystery out of mediation so your brain can shift from:

“What is this?”
to
“Okay, I know what to expect.”

What is mediation?

Mediation is a structured conversation facilitated by a neutral third party (the mediator) whose job is to help the sides:

• Communicate more clearly
• Explore options
• Try to reach an agreement

Important:

• The mediator is not a judge
• They don’t decide who “wins” or “loses”
• They help you see what a practical resolution could look like

Why courts and lawyers often encourage mediation

Especially in estate and trust cases, mediation can:

• Save time and money compared to a full trial
• Reduce emotional damage among family members
• Provide more flexible solutions than a court might order

Your brain likes mediation because it can offer control and predictability in a situation that feels chaotic.

What actually happens on mediation day?

While details vary, a typical day looks like:

Introductory session

• Everyone (or their lawyers) gathers, either in one room or virtually
• The mediator explains the process and ground rules

Separate meetings (caucuses)

• Each side goes to a separate room (or virtual breakout) with their attorney
• You talk privately with your lawyer and the mediator about your goals, concerns, and options

Back‑and‑forth negotiation

• The mediator moves between rooms, carrying offers, counteroffers, and proposals
• You’ll have chances to ask questions, weigh risks, and adjust your position

If an agreement is reached

• The main terms are usually written down that day
• Everyone reviews and signs, or agrees to a timeline to finalize documents

You are not forced to agree to anything. You choose whether a proposed resolution works for you.

How to prepare emotionally and practically

1. Know your “must‑haves” vs. “nice‑to‑haves”

Ask yourself:

• What do I absolutely need to feel okay walking away from this?
• What would be good to have, but isn’t essential?

Your brain handles negotiation better when it knows where the lines are.

2. Talk with your lawyer about best‑, worst‑, and likely outcomes

Understanding:

• What a judge might do
• What it might cost (time, money, stress) to go all the way to trial
• Where there is flexibility

…helps you make decisions without reacting purely from anger or fear.

3. Expect some discomfort

Mediation often:

• Brings up old wounds
• Forces people to confront hard realities
• Requires compromise

Feeling tension or sadness during the process doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re dealing with something real.

What mediation can do

Mediation can:

• Help you avoid the uncertainty and public nature of trial
• Create solutions that a court might not be able to order
• Allow for structured apologies, acknowledgments, or non‑financial terms that matter to you
• Reduce ongoing contact and conflict once it’s resolved

In other words, it can protect both resources and relationships, to the extent possible.

What mediation cannot do

Mediation cannot:

• Rewrite the past or make everything feel “fair” to everyone
• Guarantee that every family relationship will be repaired
• Change the law, only how it’s applied in your situation
• Work if someone is absolutely unwilling to come off an extreme position

It’s a tool, not magic.

How to know if mediation was “successful”

Sometimes success looks like:

• A signed settlement that you can live with, even if it’s not perfect
• Avoiding years of unpredictable litigation
• Having a clear, enforceable roadmap instead of constant fighting

Other times, success is simply:

• Clarifying where each side truly stands
• Narrowing the issues for court
• Gaining insight that informs your next legal step

Either way, you’ll leave with more information and structure than you had going in.

You don’t have to walk into mediation blind

A good legal team will:

• Prepare you for the process and likely scenarios
• Help you understand your leverage and risks
• Stand beside you in every conversation and decision

You bring your lived experience and your sense of what feels right.
We bring the legal structure and strategy.

If mediation is already on the calendar and you’re feeling anxious, we can help you prepare.