Communicating With Beneficiaries as a Trustee

One of the hardest parts of being a trustee isn’t the paperwork. It’s the people.

You might be worried about:

Saying the wrong thing
Getting blamed for delays
Constant calls or emails from upset beneficiaries

Here’s the good news: you don’t have to answer everything perfectly.
You just need to communicate in a way that is clear, consistent, and documented.

Start with a Calm First Message

As early as you reasonably can, send a short, neutral update:

That you are serving as trustee
That you are gathering information
That this process usually takes months, not days
That you’ll share updates as you have them

Tone matters:

Calm, neutral languags tells everyone:

“There is a process. Someone is handling it.”

Set Expectations Upfront

Many hard feelings come from mismatched expectations.

Consider telling beneficiaries:

How you prefer to communicate (email is often best for records)
How quickly you’ll aim to respond to non‑urgent questions
That you’ll provide more detailed updates at key milestones (for example, after assets are identified, after valuations, before distributions)

This structure gives people’s brains certainty even when you don’t have every answer yet.

Use Simple, Neutral Language

Avoid:

Legal jargon
Emotional language or blame
Over‑promising (“we’ll be done in no time”)

Aim for phrases like:

“Here’s where we are in the process.”
“Here’s what I’m working on next.”
“Here’s what we’re still waiting on (from the court/bank/appraiser).”

You’re not there to impress, just to be clear.

Acknowledge Feelings Without Admitting Fault

Beneficiaries may be:

Grieving
Anxious about money
Frustrated by slow institutions

You can say:

“I know this is a stressful time.”
“I understand it’s hard to wait; here’s what I’m doing now.”
“I want to be sure we follow the trust and the law so it’s handled correctly.”

This validates emotions without taking responsibility for everything they’re feeling.

Keep Important Communication in Writing

Even if you speak by phone or in person:

Follow up with a short email summarizing key points
Save important emails and letters in a dedicated folder
Keep copies of any notices, accountings, or major decisions you send

Written communication:

Reduces “you never told me” disputes
Shows the court you were transparent and organized
Protects you if someone later challenges your work

Know When to Say “I Need to Check with Counsel”

You’re not expected to:

Interpret every complex trust provision on the spot
Answer legal questions that make you uncomfortable
Argue law with an angry beneficiary

It’s completely appropriate to say:

“That’s an important question. I’ll review it with the attorney and get back to you in writing.”
“I want to be sure I’m following the trust and the law. Let me confirm and respond.”

This signals that you’re being careful, not evasive.

Don’t Ghost People, even Difficult Ones

You don’t have to respond instantly. But:

Acknowledge their message within a reasonable timeframe
Let them know when they can expect a fuller response
Use boundaries (for example, “I’ll respond to non‑urgent emails within X business days.”)

When people feel ignored, their brains fill in the gaps with worst‑case stories.
A simple, “I received this and will respond by [day]” can prevent escalation.

Good Communication = Good Protection

Clear, calm, documented communication: